Be Seeing You

CANOLI!

whoever made this statue is a sick fuck. really? A person on the edge of the building?

good evening, wine.tequila.

“I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.”

-Mother Teresa

Today I feel that I have learned so much. I have found that you can lose everything and still have what you love dearest. I have learned that even with everything is here, when the world is right outside your window you can still ache when you lose that which once held you up. The biggest thing I've learned today though is that- i might rain, it might suck, but on a pretty day, you come outside and breathe and you listen and you grow. You are always growing. Even today's poem follows this pattern. It is titled "be seeing you". It talks about two people in a concentration camp who know they have lost everything they still grow. They still fall more in love- whether he is discussing his family, daughter, or maybe the woman of his dreams. We need to feel the burn, the stab, the churning- it's the only way we can know that it is real the next time around.

Today was once again a little more calm. I ate lunch at a new "irish" pub colonial themed place. The burger hit the spot. Around 4 I went to Union Square to people watch- shop- whatnot. (Sidenote: tequila makes her clothes fall off came on pandora--- some things are just way too true.) They had a wonderful farmers market. I participated in a few wine tasting and purchased this wine made of apples and peaches. VERY TASTY. I also made my way to Washington Square park where I heard a jazz band.

I also met a large, black woman who had her studio/home burn down a few weeks ago. As optimistic as can be- she insisted on singing Celine Dion to me in the middle of the city. It was lovely, and just left me smiling. No fear, this woman is such an inspiration to me.

Overall- I've discovered to cherish those close to me. Show them the best I can that they are everything to me. Sing to them- show them that I am still here. That I am still alive.Also- very excited to spend the fourth of july in texas- I'm on a country music kick!

"This city is for strangers, like the sky is for the stars"

-Jaymay

Yesterday in a few words...

• Yoga is amazing.
• Yankees lost. AROD homerun.
• Japanese Toy Store
• I want avocados

Plung...er

sand.art. day 1.

As terrible as that is- this only made me laugh.

"Don't threaten me with love, baby. Let's just go walking in the rain"

- Billie Holiday

Rain. all day. Gloomy, very, very gloomy. Then it got cold- too cold for me. Nothing amazing happened today. I see how people can become depressed in the city- Especially living alone. I am a little intimidated by my class. Everyone is so advanced and I feel like I've been thrown into pit filled with feathers and I just cant seem to get them to stick to me so I can fly out. Yeah- random, I know. However, Darla knows how to take care of me. She just knows. We found a really great coffee place. Honestly, the best latte I have EVER tasted. Read some news and just let everything from the day go into the coffee cake :) Tomorrow rain or not- I will make the best of it. The boyfriend is coming in for little Italy and a yankees game.

Also, plunger. CHECK. enough said.

In other news, I will be participating in Austin City Limits. If you haven't looked at the line up- I suggest you check it out. Thank you boyfriend and I love you.

Tonight's poem is entitled "Depature". Not too sure what I think of it. Only that the line "fag end of cheap dreams" seems to stand out. I feel like whatever his departure was- is similar to mine. We both have doubts. We both feel like we aren't going anywhere, we aren't maturing, not learning, not evolving- just sitting (eating). However, everyone around us insists that we are moving, evolving, turning, changing, relating. However, it ends with the line- "They'll scarcely catch me". My mistakes right now are just that- mistakes. Learning experiences so I can create something I will stand behind. Something I am proud of (no matter how shitty it might actually be). I can't be scared of myself anymore. I need to just own it. The only thing I like about my outlook on life is to have as many experiences as possible (even if they test/stress me). At least I can look back and say "hey- i fucking tried". I also pride myself on the ones I keep close to me. The ones I know are here to stay- and to you special few- you're everything to me.

I refuse to look at what these poems are actually about until after I write about them. If they are wrong, and you think I'm a complete dumbass that is okay. This is for me to figure out myself- not do a fucking english project.

Goodnight NYC. Stop raining. Go Yankees.

What the fuck are you doing?

"Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves"

-Henry David Thoreau

This city hates me. So many things went wrong yesterday (but then again so many things went right). I got yelled at by so many people because I was lost or confused! The line for my ID the guy yelled at me. I couldn't get my subway card to work and i kept holding people up and finally this guy yells at me "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!?" to which I can only yell back "I DONT KNOW!!!!!" . Finally, someone helped me get through. The day just kept going like that- everything I tried failed miserably the first time around. However, things turned around. We went to meet my sister-in-law and her best friend for dinner near willamsburg at this place called sweetwater and well we kicked off our trip in style- with a pitcher of mojitos! I also spent a good portion of today trying to find a poetry book- not sure why- but I'm going to be reading a poem a night. Took me forever to find something I considered worth readings...

"Perhaps the truth depends on a walk around the lake" - Wallace Stevens

When I graduated high school, I thought I knew everything about myself. I thought I knew what I wanted and to what extent I am willing to go after it. However, after my first year of college (about 2,000 miles away from my small town in Texas) I find that I have lost some of my drive. I find myself hiding from what I love- just because I'm not the best (or as unique as I thought). Four months ago, my best friend Darla asked me to run off to New York City to take a few courses at NYU with her. This was the PERFECT opportunity! Boyfriend nearby: YES. Editing classes: SWEET. Living with the girl who knows my worst moments: AMAZING. So now I'm here. So this is what I know about myself so far:

• I'm an Electronic Media Major, trying to find my concentration- probably editing?
• love makes you more "huggable" - especially when all ya'll do is cook! :)
• I make mean fajitas
• It's still too soon to make a movie about Nazi Zombies in the snow attacking teenagers
• I can't remember shit when I'm drunk (let alone sober)
• I know what it feels like to find someone who really cares about you, even when your mean drunk, crying, or PMSing