LONESTAR BOUND

So I completely got caught taking a picture... the hat for the record: has a chicken laying eggs on it.

a very,very,very yummy chocolate treat from The Bald Man.

"One belongs to New York instantly, one belongs to it as much in five minutes as in five years"

-Thomas Wolfe

Last day in the city. Last day to hear crazy people, sweat balls on the subway. Last day to eat my body mass in food. Today went just as it should have. Woke up late and went to coney island and ate a HOTDOG. Two highlights from that... free coronas from the guys next to us. GRACIAS SENORS! Also, I am pretty sure it is in some form illegal to sell drinks and ice cream and such on the beach. There was one sketch guy with a cart who kept trying to hid it behind him. I was waiting for him to throw it into the ocean and act like he didn't do a damn thing wrong.

Let me stress something of much importance... if you have a job- whether you like it or not- you are ALWAYS COURTEOUS to your customers (our waitress learned that tonight!) Let's call her Donna. Well Donna here decided to charge Darla 7.97 for a crossaint that was clearly two dollars. Well Donna had something we like to call and "attitude" and tended to do this action called "rolling your eyes" . Well, I left her a damn good piece of my mind before we left.

On the way "home", Darla and I decided to take in the view of what has been our home for the last month or so. While passing a very familiar church we were holding hands where this homeless man who didn't look like he could harm anyone started screaming right as i passed him! Never been so scared in my life! Ha. I jumped about two feet and squeezed the shit out of Darla's hand. Maybe he wanted to yell at me for being a "lesbian" -- which im not. Read prior post to understand. hah

So speaking of homosexuality... last night we decided to go out dancing at Webster Hall (who knew we would be the only white people! ha). It was a lot of fun. So storytime-- this one large man was kind of joking dancing with Darla. So we humored him and thought it was all fun... until he decided to get grabby. Me after a few drinks ...well... you know. I grabbed her and screamed "THAT"S MY GIRLFRIEND DUDE!" and proceeded to try to kiss Darla. The second I realized this I diverted for her cheek. Needless to say- we were both happy about that. Honestly though, why couldn't i say "HEY ASSHOLE" or "DICKWEED" or something more fierce than... "DUDE!". That gave it all away. Whatever- I was entertaining. I broke my shoe there too. I needed to throw away those sandals though- I wear them basicly everyday.

Anyways- TEXAS BOUND TOMORROW. I plan on continuing this blog there... just a little different theme. I will be going on my first road trip, a camp reunion, a wedding shower, oh and I will have my FIRST job EVER (besides babysitting and teaching religious school). So see you near the border, folks. Bring your boots, sunscreen, and an appetite for some southern spice. :)

Purpose

Can we discuss life for a moment? How do I only have ONE WEEK LEFT? Where did my time go? Holy. Shit. Anyways here is a quick update of my happenings:

Class

Toy Story 3

Avenue Q

Asian Pub Happy Hour

Now I would like to ask everyone a question...

What does a lesbian look like? Sorry if that was harsh BUT today while walking on the street with Darla- this buff (creepy buff) man with a greasy black pony tail and a mesh black football style shirt approached us and asked us "Are you lesbians?" when I answered no his only response was "GOOD". Not even in a sarcastic tone. I think the man was serious! Anyways... we didn't fit the steryotype if so-- there were: A. no docs on my feet B. not holding hands C. my hair isnt THAT short?!? Anyways it kind of pissed me off. You don't question a stranger like that and make judgements based on nothing.

Anyways: Tonight's poem is kind chosen for a reason but not really? It is titled "Plate".

"The inevitable tornado" - food. "The golden ring of boredom". Why do we eat? Surely not to sustain ourselves? It is a joy a comfort. Why do we let it take control of us. We are upset- we eat. "He dumped me"- EAT. "Im fat"- EAT. "It's vacation"- EAT. It has a stronger hold than we know. Society becomes defined by food. Southern comfort- irish potatos- jewish food- latin food- italians-greeks! Families gather... why?

Kind of lame- i know. However, it goes with my plans for when i get home:

WORK, TAN, GYM, POOL .

da.pickle.guys.

seafood.shmorga

view from empire state building

“They say that time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself”

Andy Warhol

Breathe in through the nose. Exhale out. Breathe in.

"Now, focus on what you reached for today. Reach for it!" During yoga today, all i could think about is that i reached for banana bread, popcorn, gummy bears, a glass of white wine, etc. (soon to be a pickle). Anyways, I have about two weeks left here in the city. Where the hell did the time go? My parents came in town for their anniversary this weekend and it was a blast. I will give a semi-short play-by-play.

We went on a food tour through the lower east side! (note the pickled pic above). My favorite part was possible ALL the cheese we ate. My favorite was the Piave. Amazinnnnn. It was an amazing experience. I suggest everyone do one with the Enthusiastic Gourmet :) She knows her history and you will try some really interesting things in china town. We also saw Promises,Promises with Sean Hayes (Will and Grace's JACK!) and Kristen Chenowith (Glee and original Glinda in Wicked). LOVED IT! Still a very fun story.

Saturday: MoMa. In the Heights (AWESOME!) and went to the empire state building. The fun that day happened after all the tourist activities. As we are walking down the street we hear a lot of "WAHOOOSSSSSS" and "YEAYUHHHHH". We look up and a pack of naked men and women riding bikes. We are talking twins, man jewels and all! So what does my mom do? She pulls out her video camera. NICE. Then we keep walking and run into....

THE MUSEUM OF SEX! yes, so the three of us ran in for umm.... entertainment? I never want to be in such an awkward position again (no pun intended). When we finally made it to Union Square we start hearing the "UM-PA" of a trombone and many other brass instruments. There was a crowd of all kinds of people dancing to this NA-Leans (New Orleans) style jazz band...after a little freestyle, they eventually broke into "When the Saints go marching in". It was so much fun seeing the city come to life and seeing every dancing and jiving and enjoying life!

Sunday: I joined my parents on a tour of NBC studios. We saw the set of Late night with Jimmy Fallon and SNL. It was pretty neat. We also ate at this amazing italian resturant and had CUPCAKES! from Magnolia Bakery (Holla to all the Sex and the City fans out there!). My favorite flavor too- red.velvet.cake.

I haven't been able to read much poetry lately- i have been working on my final project for my editing class. I promise I will leave ya'll with some words of wisdom next time around.

Empire state building. Yankees. Hot Dogs. Coney Island.

wicked twisted road

Black holes. Endless, empty (umm...black?) How does one recover from the most resentful moments of life? What do you do when pandora's box is let loose into the hands of the person you care about more than anything?

Black holes. They suck the life out of you. You smile, you try to trust, you want to crawl back into your childhood bed and watch cartoon and eat grilled cheese and swim in the pool.

The marrow is gone. The country music has flooded my itunes. I'm sick to my stomach.

Once again-

lost.

In this big.fucking.city.

August 16, 2009. That is the day everything changed. The day I flew to Miami, met my roommate, met my RA. That is probably my earliest memory (besides the most awkward lock-in at hillel). I had no friends, nothing familiar, i missed home. I missed my bed, i missed everything familiar. Suddenly I was surrounded with hot shorts and juicy handbags and wedges and bleach blonde bump-its. I had no one to eat with so she took me to get lunch at the wendy's in the food court. (chicken nuggets, please). I was trying so hard not to cry the entire time- i felt so lame for eating with my RA. Later on, i learned that that was the best move i made all semester. She helped me through so much and is possibly one of the coolest people i know.

If I could tell myself now how to handle first semester of school this is what i would have said:

*DO NOT. I Repeat DO NOT take shots in the corner of Bobby's room. You will be throwing up all saturday when you should have been writing that paper.

*you are never stuck in something, you are strong. you are better than this. No one deserves to be treated badly.

*some friends will always be there. ALWAYS.

* Do not take oceanography. It will make you shoot your brains out

Special Victims Unit

Yummy food from The Barrel

MoMA

Land of Talk at the Bowery Ballroom

http://www.usatoday.com/video/index.htm?bctid=72173159001#/Nudity+shocks%21+NYC+exhibit+with+naked+performers/72173159001

So Copy and paste the link above. It is an exhibit at the Museum of Modern Art that I went to. Honestly, the most confusing thing ever. What the AP tells isn't even close to what you see inside. It makes you question what defines art- and what defines bullshit.

For example, I want to tell you about two of her "works". the first involved a table with various items placed on it..knives,apples,a cupcake, rope, a loaded gun, etc. and she placed herself in the middle basicly with the directions that the public could use any of the objects and do whatever they want with them (to her). How dare someone threaten our natural ability to hurt? This one I can back up more than the next. OKAY! So they had a reel playing a video of two naked people standing back to back. The people then run into a wall (OUCH?) and proceed to walk backwards to the other person. ... rinse and repeat. When I saw this - all i could do was laugh. Honestly, this one had no point. (Or I didn't see one)

I really enjoyed the exhibit. I plan on going again before I leave and actually walking through the naked people. I'm here to break my bubble DAMN IT!

Anyways, Happy Memorial Day. It's been fun and lovely. Let's start with friday. Darla and I wandered around attempting to shop- learning that some days just aren't shopping days. She then left to see her mother and the boyfriend came in town. We went to a concert at the Bowery Ballroom (note photo above). The opening band Holopaw is from Gainsville, Fl. - so of course for my dad's honor I rep'd his alma mater and made a couple friends. If you haven't listened to them- give it a try. Boyfriend refers to them as "If Guster and Wilco had a lovechild- this would be it!"

Saturday. Food. Walking. MoMa. More food.

Sunday. Sometimes- things don't go as planned. Sometimes, even when you just want to rip out your finger nails because you are so frustrated and that would be more productive and less painful than "this"--you just got to learn to deal for the better. You look past all the shit. The ones you love will make it better. (sometimes it involves sneaking into a Museum and a little red velvet cake). Sunday was not a fail. It was growing. The vines just grew more intricate and made the wall more unique than before.

Monday. Pancakes. Froyo. Walking. Hugging. Welcoming home Darla :). Skyping.

tonight's poem is titled "Hide and Seek". Not sharing my thoughts on it tonight- too many. So instead I am going to type it out for everyone read. Enjoy :

Someone hides from someone

hides under his tongue

he looks for him under the earth

he hides in his forehead

he looks for him in the sky

he hides in his forgetting

he looks for him in the grass

looks for him looks

were doesn't he look for him

and looking for him loses himself

Fallen Giraffe

“You know what your problem is, it's that you haven't seen enough movies - all of life's riddles are answered in the movies.”

Steve Martin

ALRIGHTY. Well the last few days have involved little sleep- weird weather- and some dumbass moments. I'm not feeling very inspiring so I will apologize already. I'm going to leave with you a few moments of vacation that have left me double-taking and asking "What the hell?"

Coffee shop:

me: "Do you usually like your scones warmed or not..."

Darla: "Oh you know... um.. room temperature is nice"

Walking in battery park (really fucking hot that day) I see a sculpture thing outside the Jewish Heritage Museum:

me: "oh look! A fallen giraffe!"

Darla: "ummm... no?"

Me: Yes its next to the snake....

Darla: "That's a horn... and a guitar"

Sometimes I am a dumbass. The weekend to come shall have some entertaining things, i promise.

Rejuvenated Waterfall

best breakfast.

these shoes broke.my.heart.

“How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.”

-Anne Frank

The world surprises me. Always. Something always shocks me. Yesterday it was the beauty of Central Park. I heard a man play Bob Dylan, saw people get married and dreamt of a picnic with someone I consider very special. Also went to the MAD (Museum of Art and Design). A very interesting place. One piece I remember in particular was entitled "MAD COW MOTORCYCLE" . The artist covered a motorbike with bones and parts of a cow (with utters on her helmet). She rode it around Miami to make a statement about going vegihead. This did not convince me to give up cow- but it was extremely entertaining to watch the tape.

Sunday morning. Cloudy. (It might have been more like 2pm). Found a very Irish pub where the waiter walks up to hand us our menus to me very sarcastically and loud "well he was screwwin' around with that WHORE" ... (something along those lines- point is - he was very surprised with the whore). He then proceeds to ask us if we were done drinking for the day (he could read my night before like a book!)- I successfully started out our morning with two complimentary mimosas. The rest of the day involved living the life of my counterpart- Carrie Bradshaw by going to Magnolia Bakery (which was very busy) so we opted out for another shop (in true Carrie fashion! I mean come on! Carrie doesnt wait in line for a cupcake to be put in a box! She goes to a little cafe to listen to french men and have her cupcake on a plate with a fork and a mint lemonade).

I also fell in love- and had my heart broken... by a pair of Nude Coach Wedges. Last pair in store- my size- adorable. This of course was the time my mom decided to teach me a lesson and say "life's decisions are tough"... no bueno.

Tonight's poem is "Rejuvenated Waterfall". Long story short- 2 old friends are trying to relive their lives. Finding things in common only for both of them to be bored and living in the past. PEOPLE NEED TO STOP DOING THIS. I see this everywhere (people not doing anything new with their lives in general, camp people digging for that old spark, anything along the lines of "remember when"). "YELLOW THORNED FLOWERS" - these are memories. Use them wisely. Let them make you better, observe, but dont touch. They will just leave you with a hint of pain. Stand by the waterfall. Yup. I worry. I worry when we part- you'll fill your room with the yellow thorned flowers and the rush of the waterfall will drown me out. I know it is ridiculous. I have the faith that it will be alright- but I'm human and I love when you remind me nothing is going to change. Thanks for that.

Be Seeing You

CANOLI!

whoever made this statue is a sick fuck. really? A person on the edge of the building?

good evening, wine.tequila.

“I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.”

-Mother Teresa

Today I feel that I have learned so much. I have found that you can lose everything and still have what you love dearest. I have learned that even with everything is here, when the world is right outside your window you can still ache when you lose that which once held you up. The biggest thing I've learned today though is that- i might rain, it might suck, but on a pretty day, you come outside and breathe and you listen and you grow. You are always growing. Even today's poem follows this pattern. It is titled "be seeing you". It talks about two people in a concentration camp who know they have lost everything they still grow. They still fall more in love- whether he is discussing his family, daughter, or maybe the woman of his dreams. We need to feel the burn, the stab, the churning- it's the only way we can know that it is real the next time around.

Today was once again a little more calm. I ate lunch at a new "irish" pub colonial themed place. The burger hit the spot. Around 4 I went to Union Square to people watch- shop- whatnot. (Sidenote: tequila makes her clothes fall off came on pandora--- some things are just way too true.) They had a wonderful farmers market. I participated in a few wine tasting and purchased this wine made of apples and peaches. VERY TASTY. I also made my way to Washington Square park where I heard a jazz band.

I also met a large, black woman who had her studio/home burn down a few weeks ago. As optimistic as can be- she insisted on singing Celine Dion to me in the middle of the city. It was lovely, and just left me smiling. No fear, this woman is such an inspiration to me.

Overall- I've discovered to cherish those close to me. Show them the best I can that they are everything to me. Sing to them- show them that I am still here. That I am still alive.Also- very excited to spend the fourth of july in texas- I'm on a country music kick!

"This city is for strangers, like the sky is for the stars"

-Jaymay

Yesterday in a few words...

• Yoga is amazing.
• Yankees lost. AROD homerun.
• Japanese Toy Store
• I want avocados

Plung...er

sand.art. day 1.

As terrible as that is- this only made me laugh.

"Don't threaten me with love, baby. Let's just go walking in the rain"

- Billie Holiday

Rain. all day. Gloomy, very, very gloomy. Then it got cold- too cold for me. Nothing amazing happened today. I see how people can become depressed in the city- Especially living alone. I am a little intimidated by my class. Everyone is so advanced and I feel like I've been thrown into pit filled with feathers and I just cant seem to get them to stick to me so I can fly out. Yeah- random, I know. However, Darla knows how to take care of me. She just knows. We found a really great coffee place. Honestly, the best latte I have EVER tasted. Read some news and just let everything from the day go into the coffee cake :) Tomorrow rain or not- I will make the best of it. The boyfriend is coming in for little Italy and a yankees game.

Also, plunger. CHECK. enough said.

In other news, I will be participating in Austin City Limits. If you haven't looked at the line up- I suggest you check it out. Thank you boyfriend and I love you.

Tonight's poem is entitled "Depature". Not too sure what I think of it. Only that the line "fag end of cheap dreams" seems to stand out. I feel like whatever his departure was- is similar to mine. We both have doubts. We both feel like we aren't going anywhere, we aren't maturing, not learning, not evolving- just sitting (eating). However, everyone around us insists that we are moving, evolving, turning, changing, relating. However, it ends with the line- "They'll scarcely catch me". My mistakes right now are just that- mistakes. Learning experiences so I can create something I will stand behind. Something I am proud of (no matter how shitty it might actually be). I can't be scared of myself anymore. I need to just own it. The only thing I like about my outlook on life is to have as many experiences as possible (even if they test/stress me). At least I can look back and say "hey- i fucking tried". I also pride myself on the ones I keep close to me. The ones I know are here to stay- and to you special few- you're everything to me.

I refuse to look at what these poems are actually about until after I write about them. If they are wrong, and you think I'm a complete dumbass that is okay. This is for me to figure out myself- not do a fucking english project.

Goodnight NYC. Stop raining. Go Yankees.

What the fuck are you doing?

"Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves"

-Henry David Thoreau

This city hates me. So many things went wrong yesterday (but then again so many things went right). I got yelled at by so many people because I was lost or confused! The line for my ID the guy yelled at me. I couldn't get my subway card to work and i kept holding people up and finally this guy yells at me "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!?" to which I can only yell back "I DONT KNOW!!!!!" . Finally, someone helped me get through. The day just kept going like that- everything I tried failed miserably the first time around. However, things turned around. We went to meet my sister-in-law and her best friend for dinner near willamsburg at this place called sweetwater and well we kicked off our trip in style- with a pitcher of mojitos! I also spent a good portion of today trying to find a poetry book- not sure why- but I'm going to be reading a poem a night. Took me forever to find something I considered worth readings...

"Perhaps the truth depends on a walk around the lake" - Wallace Stevens

When I graduated high school, I thought I knew everything about myself. I thought I knew what I wanted and to what extent I am willing to go after it. However, after my first year of college (about 2,000 miles away from my small town in Texas) I find that I have lost some of my drive. I find myself hiding from what I love- just because I'm not the best (or as unique as I thought). Four months ago, my best friend Darla asked me to run off to New York City to take a few courses at NYU with her. This was the PERFECT opportunity! Boyfriend nearby: YES. Editing classes: SWEET. Living with the girl who knows my worst moments: AMAZING. So now I'm here. So this is what I know about myself so far:

• I'm an Electronic Media Major, trying to find my concentration- probably editing?
• love makes you more "huggable" - especially when all ya'll do is cook! :)
• I make mean fajitas
• It's still too soon to make a movie about Nazi Zombies in the snow attacking teenagers
• I can't remember shit when I'm drunk (let alone sober)
• I know what it feels like to find someone who really cares about you, even when your mean drunk, crying, or PMSing